March 9 was finalization day. According to the law, Harper's our girl.
Most people are surprised that we're just now wrapping up with Harper 8 months old. Here are the questions we are most frequently asked about finalization of adoption:
1. How come it takes so long?
Every state has its own adoption laws. We - as adoptive parents - tend to think that Wisconsin adoption laws are a bit on the tough side. Some states require that a child be in adoptive parents' custody for 3 months before the adoption can become legally binding. Wisconsin requires 6 months. Up until that point, adoptive parents have the legal standing of foster parents for the child. Practically there's few restrictions on us as "foster parents," but the 3 ways that we feel most bound by this legal status are:
-We are required to have monthly social worker visits and fill out monthly reports.
-We can only use a licensed childcare provider or family member for babysitting.
- Our healthcare provider does not recognize Harper as a family member until the adoption is final, thus requiring us to buy a separate healthcare policy for her for the interim.
Once 6 months have passed with the child in their custody, adoptive parents can petition the court for finalization. So once we hit the magic date (January 15 to be exact) we hustled down to the courthouse as soon as we could, at which time we were informed the earliest court date we could get was 6 weeks away. 6 weeks!? At that moment I was sorely disappointed, but as time does, it went by quickly.
2. Is there any chance the adoption won't go through before you finalize?
Once birth parents have terminated their parental rights to a child (TPR), they cannot reappear to claim the child. In Harper's case, TPR happened back in July. Here is another area where WI laws are tough: in WI birth parents' parental rights cannot be legally terminated until the court has been petitioned and and a court date set, at which time both birth parents must be personally present for the hearing. This leaves adoptive parents hanging in limbo with an at-risk placement for however long it takes to get that TPR. Friends from our adoption group just got TPR for their son. It took many months and 4 separate court dates - due to birth parents not showing up or changing their minds - before the judge finally granted the termination of parental rights. We had the great joy of celebrating together with them, their precious baby boy, and his big brother over the weekend.
Adopting out-of-state spared us from the emotional roller coaster of wondering whether a birth parent would show up to take Harper out of our arms. Georgia law, where Harper was born, requires a 10 day waiting period after TPR documents have been signed. After those 10 days, TPR is legally binding - which is why we waited to meet Harper until she was two weeks old. We weren't willing to chance losing her if she wasn't going to be ours for keeps.
During the 6 month waiting period the family's adoption agency keeps tabs on the adoptive family, making sure the child is safe, and that the family is fit to raise the child. Monthly social worker visits mostly consist of a half hour of small talk with all family members present - sometimes at the agency office, sometimes at home - with an occasional bit of paperwork. If a social worker raises a red flag because she sees problems during post-placement visits, the adoption agency can take custody of the child. It's all part of the hoop-jumping sport that keeps adoptive families nimble. Thankfully Nikki, our social worker, was pleasant and Audrey especially liked having a monthly opportunity to entertain.
Last Monday's court proceeding was quick and painless. Nikki was there to vouch for us and tell the judge that we are a fit family. We answered a few questions under oath, and then the judge proclaimed that Harper's adoption was final. This being sort of a formality, I was not prepared for the tide of emotion that rose up in me at that moment. The thought "we're done," floated through my brain and the next thing I knew, I was awash in a flood of relief and joy. A week later I'm still riding the wave.
Before leaving the courthouse, we took a picture (at Audrey's finalization I was too nervous to bother the judge), filled out some more paperwork, and shook Nikki's hand. As Nikki was leaving the courthouse, she asked "so when's the next one?" That question just makes me laugh a tired kind of laugh. Right now - no plans. We're just enjoying being off the adoption treadmill and out from under scrutinous eyes for the first time in 6 years. And for the first time in 9 years, that waiting-for-children part of me is, at last, done waiting-for-children.
We celebrated our big day by going out to lunch. When Audrey offered me one of her strawberries, the small, kind act made my heart just about burst with happiness. This little family is truly a gift.
We're so thankful for the Lord's mercies all along our way. And to everyone who has helped us become a family we owe a great debt. We are so grateful.
Here are some of our pictures from the past 8 months.
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