The Other Side of the World

The following post doesn't have a whole lot to do with adoption or parenting, but it does have a lot to do with our family, so I'm putting it here.

For the past few years I have been working as part of a team that has formed a non-profit organization called Congo Animal Traction Initiative (CATI). Our goal has been to bring the knowledge and skills of animal-powered agriculture to Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC), one of the poorest countries in the world. This project was initiated by Jules Mboka who is a Congolese pastor currently serving as president of the Covenant Church of Congo. Cattle have multiplied throughout northwestern Congo since the civil war that ravaged the country from 1997 to 2003. Since the war, Pastor Mboka has looked around at all the cattle having a free lunch, while all the people are struggling in poverty - still farming by hand and carrying goods on their heads – and thought, “Why aren't we putting these cattle to work?”

Because of the work that I had done in Congo with oxen in 1996 as a short-term missionary, Pastor Mboka contacted me to see if I would help bring animal power to the Ubangi region again. I said I would help as I was able (meaning, I will try to help find someone else to do this job). Thankfully, someone else did emerge. May Sanguma, a Congolese and American citizen with a background in Congolese agriculture, has taken on leadership of CATI.

Once May was on the scene, I thought I was off the hook. But May informed me in one of our early conversations that he was going to be hanging on to me. And so, he has lived up to his word. As we struggled to design a sustainable training program – one that would not be indefinitely dependent on outside expertise or funding – more people joined our team. My dad waded in and breathed life into the project by helping us create a business plan. Tillers International formed a partnership with us to help lead classes for training oxen, farmers, and CATI staff. They have also donated a number of tools to the project. May has assembled a board for CATI that has worked incredibly hard to launch the project and build an accountable 501C3 organization.

In November, an organization called CongoVoice caught CATI's vision and saw the difference ox-powered farming, transport, and road repair could make in NW Congo. They gave us a grant to start our work! So we got busy planning. And now we are ready to start!

May Sanguma and Jessica Johnson, a volunteer from Tillers, have been in Gemena – the village where we are starting - for 10 days, getting everything set up and ready for our first training of oxen and trainers. Two of Tillers Int'l staff from Uganda have flown in to lead the 2 week training. A second volunteer from Tillers who was slated to help with our program ended up having a last-minute change of plans, leaving us short one person. So guess who got to pack her bags and fly to Congo to fill in! That's right!!

Greetings from Kinshasa, y'all.

Tomorrow, the Ugandan trainers and I will fly up-country to Gemena to get class started.

I am incredibly proud to be a part of this team and thankful to have a part in the work of literally lightening the load our brothers and sisters in Congo are carrying.

Back home, Ed – with the help of a crew of babysitters - is doing the heavy lifting of single parenting while I am away for 2 weeks. We would appreciate your prayers for our family, for the people of DRC and for CATI. Our hope is that this project will bring lasting change to the lives of many who struggle under the weight of extreme poverty.

To see more about CATI, here are a few additional links:

http://blogs.covchurch.org/ekstrand/?p=2845 

Missionary Pete Ekstrand's blog post and pictures of CATI's beginnings in Gemena

http://www.congovoice.org

The CongoVoice website has a page about CATI

Facebook users can also check out the Congo Animal Traction Initiative Facebook page.

Cloud 9, Baby!

The final hoop. At last we are through it!
March 9 was finalization day. According to the law, Harper's our girl.

Most people are surprised that we're just now wrapping up with Harper 8 months old. Here are the questions we are most frequently asked about finalization of adoption:

1. How come it takes so long?
Every state has its own adoption laws. We - as adoptive parents - tend to think that Wisconsin adoption laws are a bit on the tough side. Some states require that a child be in adoptive parents' custody for 3 months before the adoption can become legally binding. Wisconsin requires 6 months. Up until that point, adoptive parents have the legal standing of foster parents for the child. Practically there's few restrictions on us as "foster parents," but the 3 ways that we feel most bound by this legal status are:
             -We are required to have monthly social worker visits and fill out monthly reports. 
             -We can only use a licensed childcare provider or family member for babysitting.
             - Our healthcare provider does not recognize Harper as a family member until the adoption is final, thus requiring us to buy a separate healthcare policy for her for the interim.

Once 6 months have passed with the child in their custody, adoptive parents can petition the court for finalization. So once we hit the magic date (January 15 to be exact) we hustled down to the courthouse as soon as we could, at which time we were informed the earliest court date we could get was 6 weeks away. 6 weeks!? At that moment I was sorely disappointed, but as time does, it went by quickly.

2. Is there any chance the adoption won't go through before you finalize?
Once birth parents have terminated their parental rights to a child (TPR), they cannot reappear to claim the child. In Harper's case, TPR happened back in July. Here is another area where WI laws are tough: in WI birth parents' parental rights cannot be legally terminated until the court has been petitioned and and a court date set, at which time both birth parents must be personally present for the hearing. This leaves adoptive parents hanging in limbo with an at-risk placement for however long it takes to get that TPR. Friends from our adoption group just got TPR for their son. It took many months and 4 separate court dates - due to birth parents not showing up or changing their minds - before the judge finally granted the termination of parental rights. We had the great joy of celebrating together with them, their precious baby boy, and his big brother over the weekend.

Adopting out-of-state spared us from the emotional roller coaster of wondering whether a birth parent would show up to take Harper out of our arms. Georgia law, where Harper was born, requires a 10 day waiting period after TPR documents have been signed. After those 10 days, TPR is legally binding - which is why we waited to meet Harper until she was two weeks old. We weren't willing to chance losing her if she wasn't going to be ours for keeps.

During the 6 month waiting period the family's adoption agency keeps tabs on the adoptive family, making sure the child is safe, and that the family is fit to raise the child. Monthly social worker visits mostly consist of a half hour of small talk with all family members present - sometimes at the agency office, sometimes at home - with an occasional bit of paperwork. If a social worker raises a red flag because she sees problems during post-placement visits, the adoption agency can take custody of the child. It's all part of the hoop-jumping sport that keeps adoptive families nimble. Thankfully Nikki, our social worker, was pleasant and Audrey especially liked having a monthly opportunity to entertain.


Last Monday's court proceeding was quick and painless. Nikki was there to vouch for us and tell the judge that we are a fit family. We answered a few questions under oath, and then the judge proclaimed that Harper's adoption was final. This being sort of a formality, I was not prepared for the tide of emotion that rose up in me at that moment. The thought "we're done," floated through my brain and the next thing I knew, I was awash in a flood of relief and joy. A week later I'm still riding the wave.

Before leaving the courthouse, we took a picture (at Audrey's finalization I was too nervous to bother the judge), filled out some more paperwork, and shook Nikki's hand. As Nikki was leaving the courthouse, she asked "so when's the next one?" That question just makes me laugh a tired kind of laugh. Right now - no plans. We're just enjoying being off the adoption treadmill and out from under scrutinous eyes for the first time in 6 years. And for the first time in 9 years, that waiting-for-children part of me is, at last, done waiting-for-children.

We celebrated our big day by going out to lunch. When Audrey offered me one of her strawberries, the small, kind act made my heart just about burst with happiness. This little family is truly a gift.

We're so thankful for the Lord's mercies all along our way. And to everyone who has helped us become a family we owe a great debt. We are so grateful.

Here are some of our pictures from the past 8 months.

Heading for Home

Hooray!! We got the green light to travel from Wisconsin ICPC on Monday! We packed our bags and made an overnight run to Indiana, landing at Ed's parents' house at 6:30 Tuesday morning. We've had a good rest and had a great time sharing Harper with Ed's family. We're ready to head out on the final leg of our journey and plan to be home Thurday morning. (Traveling is a little slower now that we have to make a feeding-changing-burping stop every couple of hours).
Thank you to all for all your help and support and prayers. We're so thankful for all the blessings and mercies that our family has received.

Here We Are

Proud big sister

Here we are! all settled in Atlanta with the sweetest little armful of baby that a family could ever want. We've all fallen in love with tiny Harper Jacie Rayn as she does all those adorable things newborn babies do - the rooting and cooing and stretching and scrunching. Audrey hasn't caught on yet that this new person might be someone to be jealous of. All her little mamma instincts are in full swing with this newborn dream-come-true. Her very own baby!


The termination of parental rights for the birth parents of Jacie Janae (as they named her) was official at midnight on Monday the 14th. We left home at 7:30 that evening, figuring that by then we were pretty well in the clear. We arrived in the Peach State on Tuesday. Our weary band rolled into Norry's driveway at 3:30 in the afternoon after a brief stop for tooth brushing, etc. Norry was Harper's Caring Home provider for the first two weeks of her life. What a treasure she is! We. Love. Norry!

Norry and Beth (an equally kind and loving Open Door caseworker) awaited us with baby in arms. Norry had Harper all dressed up for the occasion in proper Southern girl attire. We spent a couple of joyful hours with them, talking, passing the baby around, signing and notarizing paperwork, and taking turns chasing Audrey. (Side note: Audrey was an awesome traveler, but once she was released from the truck, her tightly coiled springs worked overtime for a couple of days).As we loaded our new family member into the truck and said our goodbyes to Norry and Beth, Audrey - already in love - asked if we could take the baby home. How awesome it was to say yes love, we're taking her home with us! Norry confessed to wanting to keep this particular baby for herself. So, yeah...we got a good one.

Beth, Harper, and Norry

Settling in to our home away from home

Jammin'

From Norry's, we drove to the drug store for a case of diapers and baby wipes. Then we were on our way to John and Mary Raterman's home. Open Door connected us with them for our stay in Atlanta while we wait for our ICPC (Interstate Compact for Protection of Children) paperwork to be approved by Georgia and Wisconsin. The Ratermans were a Caring Home provider for Open Door babies for many years. A few years ago, changes to Mary's schedule made it impossible to take in the babies anymore. So they decided to open their home to adoptive families instead. That way, she says, she still gets the babies but now she doesn't have to wake up with them at night.

Georgia Aquarium

This family has been such an amazing blessing to us, I cannot hardly begin to tell how wonderful our experience has been. It's a far cry from the room in the extended stay hotel that we had in New Orleans 3 years ago. I'm almost reluctant to go home. The Ratermans are very gracious and generous hosts. We are inhabiting the walkout basement apartment of their beautiful home. (Their daughter lives down here most of the time, but she moves out whenever a family like ours moves in). They are all set up for their grandkids, who are Audrey's age, so we have not lacked one moment for interesting things to do. We have a fenced in yard with a treehouse and swingset, a collection of interesting toys, and a lovely neighborhood - complete with playgrounds and a pool. It couldn't get much better.

Riding the horses at the mall

When we arrived at the Ratermans' place, they had pizza and salad waiting for us. We met another adoptive family that night who had been staying with John and Mary for a couple of nights. They had come up from the southern Georgia, where their baby was born and were flying home to Idaho the next day with their brand new son. It is fun and encouraging to intersect with other families that are doing this same crazy adoption thing.
Wednesday evening, the Ratermans invited us to the pool with their family. At the pool John, Mary and their daughters all took turns holding Harper while I played in the water with Audrey and while Ed got lost with their dog. (This is a whole story unto itself, which includes placing a missing persons report. However, as you can see, it turned out alright in the end aside from some very sore paws and limbs. Mary gave us her GPS after the incident. John has found it excellent fodder for jokes. Ed decided, rather than go for another run, he'd join us at the pool the next day). Friday evening, John and Mary ordered out for Thai food and invited us and some of their friends to join them. So, like I said, I'm feeling a little reluctant to go home.

Happiness is...

It's been a very pleasant week to be in Georgia. Not at all the blistering hot Southern odyssey that I was expecting. We've had the opportunity to get out and about to see some of the sights in between all the fun we've been having close to "home." Friday we visited the Georgia Aquarium. Yesterday we got out to ride the carousel at the mall and have some ice cream. On Friday, we got word that Georgia approved our ICPC paperwork. So now we're just waiting to hear from Wisconsin. We're thinking we might just start getting ready to go on Monday so that we can hop in the truck and head home as soon as we get the green light. 

It looks like we will not be meeting Harper's birth family on this trip. They are still working through their grief and need some time and space yet. We're sad to miss meeting them, but understand it at the same time. We're hopeful to meet them sometime in the future. We also missed out on meeting Victoria, the counselor/caseworker who we have been working with over the phone for the past two months. The day we rolled into town for placement with Harper, Victoria was occupied all day at the hospital with another birth mother. She has been one busy lady, juggling birth mothers, babies, and adoptive families. Hopefully we can meet her someday too. 

(By the way, we got an update on the mother of twins whose match we declined. She had the babies a couple of days before we got to town and brought both of the boys home with her after all. Whew! We're glad for a happy ending for us and for them. Though I'm thinking there is another adoptive family somewhere out there with a heartache over it right now).

Soon, we should be headed for home! Before we leave Georgia, I'll post one more time to let folks know when we're on our way.

One last note: my cell phone took a bath in Miracle Bubble yesterday. I am hoping for a miracle recovery, but if you need to reach us, Ed's phone is the better bet right now.

Onward

In June when our adoption plans fell through, we returned to our pre-baby idea of a family vacation in Red Lodge, MT to visit my dad (Ray) and step-mom (Pat), step-sister (Amanda) and nephews (Nic and Zack). Karin - my sister living in the Twin Cities - joined us for the trip. We were out West all last week and had a wonderful time together.

Back in April, Dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme, an aggressive form of brain cancer. My sisters and I were each able to spend a week with Dad and Pat at the time of his surgery and the weeks that followed. A shortly after surgery, Dad began a six week regimen of chemo and daily radiation. That treatment wrapped up 3 weeks ago, so he's had a little bit of a break. In a couple more weeks he will start 6 months of intensified chemo.

Dad has been doing remarkably well through all the challenges that brain cancer has been throwing at him. He has remained very sharp, has maintained a positive spirit, and has been enjoying the fellowship of friends and family. Dad and Pat have a great community of friends in Red Lodge who have mobilized to assist them with meals, transportation, good company, and whatever else they need. Radiation has left Dad very fatigued, so he has to spend a majority of his time resting, which he finds terribly frustrating. Still, he's staying positive and looking forward to his strength returning in another month, which is what the doctors are telling him to expect.

Vista Point

Third birthday

We spent the week enjoying time as a family and soaking up the beauty of the mountains and the culture of Red Lodge. We attended parades and the rodeo, watched fireworks and went hiking. On a morning when Dad was feeling good, he took a car ride with us up through the Bear Tooth pass and walked with us out to Vista Point where we enjoyed the incredible views. While we were up there we fed a bunches of bold chipmunks (referred to by Audrey as a “squirrel hive”) and took some time to run around on the tundra while Dad sat close by.

Wednesday of Montana Week, Ed and I received a call from Open Door, our adoption agency. We have been chosen again! Believe it or not, this is our third match through this agency. We got chosen for a second time right on the heels of our first match. That birth mother was pregnant with twin boys. She figured that she could afford to raise one of the boys, but not both. In the end, we just couldn't get our heads around splitting up the twins, so we declined after a few days of mulling it over. I think about the family that is now matched with that birth mother and the wild ride that they must be on at the moment.

SO... now, we're back to a baby girl with our current match. She was born July 1^st . (6 pounds 4 ounces, 19 + inches) The birth parents contacted Open Door when she was born. They are in their early twenties and already have a 3 year old son and a 1 ½ year old daughter. The mother is a student and the father just recently lost his job. They are concerned that a third child would jeopardize their ability to provide for the other two, and so they have chosen to place their baby with our family. We spoke with both of the parents by phone while they were still at the hospital last week

.

The baby went home from the hospital and is settled in with a bridge care family in Atlanta until we get there. Birth parents signed the paperwork relinquishing their parental rights on July 2. TPR (termination of parental rights) will be final at midnight, Monday July 14. We will wait until then to travel to Atlanta – just in case. You never know.

I'm working on unpacking from Montana and at the same time starting to pack for Georgia. If we make it to the weekend with no change in plans, I will start to get out the baby stuff. It looks as if we will be driving south rather than flying. Prices for plane tickets to Atlanta have nearly doubled since I last looked in June, so that's that. Lucky for us, Audrey is a champion traveler. She's got Montana cowgirl fever, so I'm looking forward to thoseYEE-Haws! and howdys issuing forth from the back seat while we motor on.

We're very happy to be matched again so soon. I am, however, feeling a bit spent. We'd appreciate prayers for everyone in this adoption picture – birth family, baby, bridge care family, us. We'd also appreciate prayers for Dad and Pat as they fight through the difficulties of cancer and treatment. Dad is determined to beat this cancer, and we pray that he will. (Those who are interested in following his progress can find his CaringBridge site here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/raysvenson).

We will try to keep the blog updated on our progress, though one can consider no news here to be good news. We might be a little busy in the next few days. Thanks all!

Saying Goodbye

We just wanted to let everyone know that we did get the final word this afternoon that D. has decided to parent her baby with family members providing back up help if she needs it.

We know that this outcome is good and that God has a plan, and there is a child yet for our family. This helps. But the pain of it all is still deep. We wonder if it is really possible to enter into adoption and at the same time guard one's heart. So here we are, prying our hearts off of this tiny little dream.

Thank you everyone for your loving support. Thank you friends and family and neighbors for all your help so far and for your readiness to hold down the fort for us. Everyone can relax now, but we'll be counting on you again sometime in the future.

The Waiting

Good news today! A baby girl was born to our birth mom (D.) this morning at 6:19 am after a 5 am inducement. Baby and birth mom are doing well.

We are standing by, ready to receive this baby should a decision move in our direction, but our birth mother has new factors to consider. Family members have come into the picture, offering to raise the child. So, D. is weighing her options. The agency counselor who has been working with the birth mom has been great. I am so glad for the support she has provided for D. through all of this, helping her evaluate choices for her and for her baby without any pressure in one direction or the other. I am also very glad for the support she has provided for us, kindly keeping us updated on all that is happening.

Those who are inclined to pray, we'd appreciate prayer for this dear birth mother - for a clear head and a peaceful heart as she seeks to make the best decision for herself and for her precious baby. 

We'd appreciate prayer also for ourselves. Our hearts are weary.

The great news for this baby is that, no matter the decision, she will have a loving family.