Our Privilege

“What a privilege is this, to possess God in all things while we have them, and all things in God when they are taken from us.

An acquiescence in the Lord’s will, founded in a persuasion of His wisdom, holiness, sovereignty, and goodness.—This is one of the greatest privileges and brightest ornaments of our profession.

So far as we attain to this, we are secure from disappointment. Our own limited views and short-sighted purposes and desires, may be, and will be, often over-ruled; but then our main and leading desire, that the will of the Lord may be done, must be accomplished.

How highly does it become us, both as creatures and as sinners, to submit to the appointments of our Maker! And how necessary is it to our peace!

This great attainment is too often unthought of, and overlooked: we are prone to fix our attention upon the second causes and immediate instruments of events; forgetting that whatever befalls us is according to His purpose, and therefore must be right and seasonable in itself, and shall in the issue be productive of good.

From hence arise impatience, resentment, and secret repinings, which are not only sinful, but tormenting: whereas, if all things are in His hand; if the very hairs of our head are numbered; if every event, great and small, is under the direction of His providence and purpose; and if He has a wise, holy, and gracious end in view, to which every thing that happens is subordinate and subservient.
Then we have nothing to do, but with patience and humility to follow as He leads, and cheerfully to expect a happy issue. The path of present duty is marked out; and the concerns of the next and every succeeding hour are in His hands.

How happy are they who can resign all to Him, see His hand in every dispensation, and believe that He chooses better for them than they possibly could for themselves!"

From The Works of the John Newton Volume 1 
[emphases mine, aside from the "if"s and "then"]

I recently rediscovered the above quote taped to our office wall. I had placed it there years ago as we were finding our "short-sighted purposes and desires...often over-ruled." It was a helpful reminder for a time, but then I moved on. That curled piece of paper has just blended into the drywall for the past six years. Rather than walking by it, I should have been committing this little gem to memory.

"Secure from disappointment." What a thought!
 My days have too often been marked by impatience, resentment, and secret (or not-so-secret) repinings. Bitter thoughts can rise up in a hostile take-over of my unguarded mind, so prone am I to fix my attention upon the immediate.

"You have to war against this kind of thinking," Ed said to me one night after I unpacked a bundle of my darker thoughts as we sat together. And I knew he was right. He has always been much more "founded in the persuasion of God's wisdom, holiness, sovereignty, and goodness" than me. It is good to be attached to such a person, so that I can be reminded regularly.

Here is one small observation I have been able to make in this latest chapter of my miniature, personal war. Happiness and pain can co-exist. The happiness referred to by Newton is not the fake, put-a-smile-on-it, kind of thing. It comes from the depths. It's a knowing that, though everything looks like a terrible mess and is NOT going according to my plan, there is a greater purpose at work here than anything I could design. It's a calm confidence in God's goodness and might. Resentment cannot persist in this atmosphere and pain softens.

All that said, here's an update on our adoption status.

In January we discovered that our adoption agency had only completed 2 minority in adoptions in 2013 and 3 in 2012. With 11 waiting families in the minority program, and no minority birth mothers in the program at the time of our inquiry, things looked bleak. At the time we signed on with this agency, the ratio of families to annual placements was about 2:1, or an average 2 year wait. With the numbers trending more like 5:1, it did not look likely that we would be matched with a birth mother anytime soon. Maybe not even in the next couple of years.

So! we (I) started combing the country for a new adoption agency with great intensity. There's about 100 blog posts I would have liked to write about all that I learned in the search process. But time has been short...maybe someday I'll be able to blog it all out. At any rate, after a month of searching, we were impressed with an agency in Georgia and signed on with them at the end of February. They were recruiting waiting families. They had had so many placements, they were running low on families to show to birth mothers. It took us about a month to get all of our paperwork in order and to print new "life books" (family photo album/scrapbook to show what your life is like). By mid-April, our profile was posted on their website and our life books had been mailed out to all of their birth mother counselors around the state of Georgia.

We often get asked if changing agencies was a financial loss for us. The answer is, not really. We are able to use the home study from our first agency, so we did not have to start over. We do have to renew our study this month again, as June is our 2-year mark and home studies have to be renewed every year until the adoption is finalized. This mostly means filling out some paperwork and going to the doc for check-ups.

Working with this new agency is, however, going to cost us more than we initially anticipated. Fees are $28,000. Added to about $6500 for home study and post-placement fees, our total will come close to $35,000. This number is a jaw-dropper, almost without fail. (Believe it or not, it could be much higher). I hope to write more some day about agency fees and what all they go for - what is reasonable and what is not. Yes, it is a lot of money. But there are a lot of people at work in the adoption process and they all need to make a living. There are birth mothers who need assistance and adoption agencies are the conduit through which much of that assistance comes.

Despite the price tag, we are grateful for the opportunity to adopt.
We know that in the end it will be worth the cost.

Fortunately for us, there are many people out there committed to helping families to adopt. We have already received much generous support from friends, family, neighbors and strangers. We have been awarded a couple of adoption grants from organizations that help adoptive families. It seemed sufficient until we changed horses. Now that we are facing higher fees, we are scrambling to get a few thousand (like maybe 12,000) more dollars lined up. We have found additional grants to apply for. We are looking at loan options. We are nervous. We are excited. We want to be ready to write the check when that crazy day comes. We can't wait to hold that little baby.