The Lifeline

Back in 2010-11 while we were waiting to be chosen by Audrey's birth mother, my support group came in the mailbox every other month in the form of Adoptive Families magazine. Many issues were half read before the magazine even made it into our house. I remember more than one occasion sitting in the driveway, weeping over the pictures or words, a mingling of longing and fear welling up and over, looking at a life that seemed like an unobtainable dream. Each magazine brought a cascade of emotions but also a wealth of information and discussion that I was so hungry for. It was a tangible link to the unseen world I was living in as a waiting adoptive hopeful.

In Audrey's first year I reluctantly cancelled our subscription . Now that we are living the dream, I don't have enough time to consume the material. I also don't need it as much, emotionally speaking. But here we are waiting again. And though heartache is tempered by the pitter-patter of Audrey feet, it is still part of the process.

Enter a great strength of the LSS adoption program. I have had my issues with LSS at times and wondered if we made the right decision, blah, blah, blah. Especially when it comes to how long it can take to get placed with a child. Sometimes it seems like this waiting may go on forever. BUT, that said, given the opportunity to go back and change course, I would stay where we are. What we received through the LSS training back in the spring of 2012 is invaluable. First, we learned so much in those 5 days of classes. Stuff we wished we had known the first time around. And second, in those sessions we bonded with 4 other families who were also beginning the domestic adoption process. This is now our support group.

We have been getting together a few times a year since the completion of our training. In between, we email with news and/or frustrations. Last night was our first get-together with the good news of an immanent placement. A couple in our group has been chosen by a birth mother who is due to give birth at the end of October. It is so exciting to have this shared joy. With our group, we will be celebrating 5 adoptions, not just one. A baby girl on the way had us gathered around the chosen ones to hear the scoop on how they were chosen and how they've been preparing. We absorbed details of their visits and discussions with the birth family, collecting tips for when it's our turn. As they enter into parenthood next month we will all be watching with joy and hope.

Our adoption group is a treasure. In each other's company we can talk about our worries, concerns, frustrations, and hopes and know that we are understood. We are all standing around in the same shoes. We (the girls here) swap infertility war stories and laugh over the crazy and inappropriate things some people say. We talk preparations: to buy or not to buy the baby stuff, to set up the nursery or wait, baby showers?, pediatricians, childcare, diapers and diaper bags, strollers. We discuss the letter we all received announcing the pregnancy of our social worker. We talk about the things that really get to us. We agonize over our portfolios.

When hear each other's stories, we feel a little less crazy.

Right now, Audrey and Nathanial (4) are the only children in our group. I like to think about their circle of friends that is about the expand. As Audrey gave out hugs and kisses on our departure, I got to looking forward to a lot more hugs and kisses going around this circle in the future.