Where We're At

Most times when the phone rings, it is simply not our adoption agency social worker. Still, the potential for it to be her is there. We are at that point in the adoption process when every phone call could possibly be our social worker, calling to tell us of a new birth mother situation. Then, after we confirm that we are interested, every next phone call has the potential to be her again, informing us that we have been chosen by a birth mother to be parents! This second kind of phone call hasn't happened yet. (The news that we were not chosen arrives via email rather than by phone). So now the telephone, and answering machine, have acquired a new power.

This ride is having its ups and downs. I'm finding it interesting, in a painful sort of way, how quickly a heart can attach to the idea of a specific little person, born at a specific place and time. Despite the heartache inherent in this process, I am glad that the final choice remains with the birth mother. These birth moms love their children. They have had to make the hard decision of relinquishing the care of their child into the hands of others. In choosing the adoptive parents, birth parents have a say in their child's future. I believe this is a good thing.

This said, it doesn't change the fact that we could repeatedly find ourselves in the runners-up position for an unspecified length of time. Rejection feels like, well . . . it feels like rejection. And being turned down once or twice doesn't do anything to move us into a better position for the next time around. In the lower moments, this leaves us feeling hapless. I want some sort of control. I would at least like a time-line so that I can know if it will be next week or 6 months from now that we will be meeting our kid. But then, this is not how life works. There will always be the unforeseen and unexpected. I am regularly reminded that even when we think we are in control of our circumstances, ultimately, it is God who is turning the wheels of the universe and laying out the plan. So where else can we rest but here? That God, in His perfect wisdom, is building our family according to His perfect timing, even if it may look not-quite-so-perfect to me just now.